How to Party like Mrs. Dalloway

  1. First,  go out for the flowers yourself. That’s the easy job, getting the flowers. Leave the dirty work to someone else, like scrubbing the kitchen or removing doors from hinges.
  2. Speaking of the help, remember they will become overwhelmed by the demands you are placing upon them. While perfection is a must, keep in mind it’s highly unlikely you will have a Prime Minister in attendance. Therefore ease up on the help.
  3. As hostess you should dress in your most flattering attire. An old love will be in attendance, and you’ll want to remind them of the person you once were.
  4. If you insist on segregating your party after the food has been consumed, might I suggest to not segregate by gender? Instead allow the party to segregate themselves into groups: single people looking for a bit of flirty fun, those who know each other through the work they do, people with kids, etc.
  5. No matter how hard you try and entertain your guests there will always be one person who wished they never came to your party.
  6. As people come and go you may wonder if your party is a success. You will wonder if your presence as hostess matters at all. If people are talking, eating, and drinking, then be proud of your  party’s success. After all, the hostess sets the tone.
  7. As you mingle with your guests note how they all appeared to have failed in their lives.  A twenty-first century soundtrack might include bands from the New Romantic period. Merely a suggestion.
  8. Guests should never bring up topics like suicide, as death is sure to be a buzz kill. If someone does you have the right to feel annoyed.
  9. If you find you are not having the same level of fun as your guests, that is to be expected.  Hostessing, after all, is work–and not for the faint of heart.
  10. A party isn’t the place for the hostess to consider one’s own aging body or mortality. However, if you feel the need to go there please find an unoccupied room where you can retreat and reflect. A quote (or two) from Shakespeare might be in order. Regrets, we’ve all had a few, an acceptance of them can help you press on.



Stop Ignoring Poetry

As an English Lit major I suffered through Chaucer but fell in love with Hopkins. Due to my obsession with the Outsiders (the novel by S.E. Hutton) I memorized Nature’s First Green is Gold by Robert Frost, but cried my way through both the Iliad and the Odyssey. What a misfortune to be taught poetry is painful, something to get through instead of enjoy.

Robert Frost, photo from the Englewood Review

Back in the nineties I participated in a poetry workshop with the poet Tina Barr. Ten of us sat in her bohemian-styled living room while a doctor read, out loud, his epic poem. Slightly lost in his meandering prose, I watched a cat lap up water from a crystal chalice on top of an antique set of drawers. This workshop wasn’t always about avoidance. In fact, I learned to love poetry because of the eclectic voices sharing their feelings and world view in this art form.

painting by Florine Stettheimer, Brooklyn Museum…this is how those workshops felt…kinda like heaven!

As I wrote my own poems, I began to realize poetry was more about feeling–aroma–less about uncovering deeply hidden meanings. Poems were a way to connect with others, to be part of a community outside my own bubble.There is more than one way to write and experience a poem. To write poetry we need to understand poetry’s past in order to create something new. But to be a reader of poetry we need only to come to the page open minded, leave taking what you need.

I left the workshop armed with questions to bring to every poem I read, and now share with you:

How did this poem make me feel? Why? What words inside the poem lead me to my understanding? Did I read the poem out loud to let the words come from my tongue, to hear the rhythm? 

If you haven’t read poetry since high school or college, don’t be afraid or hesitant. Not all poetry is difficult. When the poet does her job well she has created a poem for us that is communal, with language invoking a feeling or sentiment. Advice: read only poems which speak to you–why waste your time otherwise?

poetry doesn’t have to be a puzzle. This is a puzzle I started four years ago and never finished. Shows how much I love a puzzle.

I’ve complied a list of my favorite, easy-access poets (no dactylic hexameter here) and poetry sites. Enjoy your venture into this art form!

  • Start by hearing regular folk read their favorite poems on the Favorite Poem Project site. Warning: possible goose bumps and emotion will happen, as active military, survivors, students, immigrants, a minister  share stories of why the poem selected is a favorite.
  • Poetry is meant to be heard, which is why Poetry Slams are an awesome experience. A person cannot help but get swept up in the emotion of a slam.
  • Check out the United States Poet Laureates. The current poet Laureate is Juan Felipe Herrera. Our libraries are well stocked with the works of our poet laureates. Of visit one of the many poetry websites, like the Poetry Foundation, to both read and hear our nations best poets.
  • Literary Magazines are a fantastic way to discover poetry. Often overlooked in the magazine rack of your local bookshop, these gems house emerging writers and famous names. Not just poetry, you will also discover short fiction and visual art.
  • My recommendations for Poetry are a few contemporary poets whose work I find easy to access (no headaches here) and don’t overtly rhyme (I kinda hate when words overtly rhyme). My list includes: Mary Oliver, Anne Sexton, Erica Jong, Charles Bukowski, Billy Collins, Maya Angelou, and Ocean Vuong. To read poems, by these and hundreds of others, right now, visit the Poetry Foundation
lit mags
a stack of literary magazines I keep table side

I hope I’ve made the case for why we should read poetry. If we stop ignoring poetry we might connect with each other, no matter our differences. As J.F.K said, “We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth.”

In closing, I leave with you Robert Frost:

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.